I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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