First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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