so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
