At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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