She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
