So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
