i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
