I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
