I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i dont even know how to be here
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize