With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
