he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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