I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My breasts were aching with rage.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
