i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
