you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
