like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
