I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i think i have two assholes
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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