WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
