I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Randomize
