Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
