Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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