After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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