I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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