$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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