Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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