Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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