I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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