I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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