I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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