Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
