i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
