I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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