OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
