I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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