Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
