I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
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