She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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