yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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