my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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