I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize