At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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