dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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