That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize