So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
