Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
