The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
