This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
