already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
