Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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