i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
