you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
