I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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