My hair reeks of homosexuality.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
