I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
