Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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