I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
