A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
