best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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