Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My life is pants optional.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
