Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
