Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize