found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
