i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
