I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
