Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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