at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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