Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
