I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
