Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
