i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
