I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
