Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
