I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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