I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
