Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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