Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
