You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
