How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
