The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
BRING THE BAGELS
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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